When He Leaves

There is no other experience quite like a deployment. There is so much paperwork, stress, and tears to be had before it all happens… then your spouse leaves, and the kids are insane, the dogs are insane, and you maybe just want your mommy to come rescue you. But, somehow a new normal happens, and you get on with it all.

In the very short three weeks that Big Guy has been gone, middlest smashed his face into the entertainment center, causing a possible broken nose and a definite concussion. Littlest was stung by a bee, our first bee sting of the family, and was luckily not allergic. Sass graduated from level one in gymnastics, up to level two without even realizing she had been tested. The washing machine has sprung an odd leaks that happens sometimes, and sometimes not. The newest addition, our Golden Retriever puppy, peed on me while laying in bed with me. And I swear to God if one more person comes knocking on our door, during nap time, the house better be on fire, or they better be delivering free case of wine, or be The Rock offering to do topless housecleaning.

………

I do not handle these kinds of situations with grace. I do not hold on to my dignity, and I am not above bursting into tears in the middle of the Walmart. I stress about money, laundry, house chores, and my own sanity more often than I probably should. I hate when people treat me like I am delicate, and about to break… I just want someone to make me laugh. Unfortunately, the person that makes me laugh the absolute hardest is the person that is gone.

And I suppose that is what hurts the most while Big Guy is deployed… How little I seem to laugh. How little I feel like I smile. It is so quiet with out him, and that’s saying a lot considering just how loud or house is… Because, I swear, our kids and dogs can’t hear me unless I am screaming at the top of my lungs for them to “please, just come eat your god damn dinner already!!”..



……

Yeah. I miss him. No. It does not go away, or get easier, or any of that rubbish people say. It just sucks the whole time. The. Whole. Time. But, he will come home.. he has to. I told him to, and I am bossy, so I know he will obey me.

Until he comes home, keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Until he comes home, send me chocolate or wine, or just come a visit me, gosh darn it. I will find a space for you to sleep. Until he comes home…

 

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